26 Things I’ve Learned in 26 Years
I am not a life coach, and I’m tired of posing as one.
Why would I try and tell you how to be successful if I’m sitting here right now with like $800 dollars in the bank? Why would I try and give you career advice when I’m still an underling? I’m not going to try and fool you just to get more attention. I don’t have the magic tricks. I’m not even sure there are magic tricks.
All I can tell you is what I’ve learned so far.
And here is what I’ve learned so far:
1. An intimate relationship is important
I realize “go get married” is not practical advice for everyone, but before I got serious about Kate, I ate too much pizza, watched embarrassing amounts of The Simpsons, and was pretty much a layabout. When someone believes in you unconditionally, your world flips upside down.
2. Many, many, many people simply don’t care about you
This might be the most freeing thing I’ve ever realized. Comfortable in the knowledge that 99.9999% of people (even the ones who follow me) are unaware of what I’m doing has given me the freedom to amass a large following on Medium, grow my blog to a couple thousand page views a month, and chase lots of people down to try and sell them a custom Snapchat filter.
Most people don’t care. So why shouldn’t I worry about what they think?
3. Dilbert comics were terrible…
Until I got an office job. Now they’re funny, but not in a “haha” way. More in like an “oh, God why?” kind of way. (Think the grimacing emoji, not the one which is crying laughing).
4. You don’t have to be just one thing
The idea of a “career” as one thing I do over and over and better and better for the rest of my life is paralyzing. It could be careers aren’t really a string of jobs, but a series of skills applied ferociously at whatever task is at hand.
See my mad scientist post for more clarity.
5. I will never resent my full time job
I actually surprised myself with this one until I realized it enables me to pay the bills, buy nice things for my wife, do a lot of free work (which generally pays in even better ways), and chase a passion.
In this entrepreneur-happy world, I‘m fine with selling my soul for a while.
6. Life is one big fat analogy
Choir made me better at code. Code made me better at golf. Golf made me better at school. School made me better at work. Work made me better at taking vacations. Taking vacations made me better at writing.
The more you learn, the more you can learn.
7. Fame is hard
Fame is the combination of talent, work, luck, and time. The amount of people who are born with the natural talent for something, are willing to put in the work, and to do it for a so long that they finally get “lucky” are very few indeed.
Not only that, I’m starting to think it’s a little overrated.
8. Mornings are important…
But you don’t have to drink a green smoothie, run a mile, take a 12 minute cold shower, write 1,000 words, mediate, and do some strength training for them to be useful.
Instead of constructing a 2 hour routine which would require me to be up at 4:30, my keystone habit is my Microjournaling practice in which:
I write the date (to remind myself I only get one shot at this day)
I write 10ish ideas for something (to make my brain say “hmmm”)
I write down what I’m grateful for (to keep life in perspective)
I get the heck on with my life
(If you want more details, here’s the post)
9. Most people who are telling you how to do things on a budget aren’t really doing them on a budget
I’m looking at you EVERY PROJECT ON PINTEREST EVER.
10. I’m not sure if life callings exist
At least, not the way we think they do. I think a life calling can be a set of skills, but I find it hard to believe it will be just one job. You are a human with varied interests which change over time. Things I was interested in at age 6 hold little appeal to me now. I expect what I am interested in now will seem pointless 10 years from now.
11. Writing a book is a lot of work
“I’ll just knock this thing right out.” I said to myself last August. “I’m sure I’ll be able to self publish by December. It’s March, and I’m still in production. Plus I’ve written 10 times more than you’ll ever read when you buy the book.
12. I can’t do things just to look good on paper
Not I won’t, like I can’t.
Whenever the stakes aren’t high enough for me I simply just won’t show up. In college I had an pro-bono internship so “my resume would look better.” I lost interest in about 3 days and stopped showing up. I didn’t tell anyone. I just quit. It was a pretty crummy thing to do.
But I learned “looking good on paper” will never be a priority for me.
13. It’s way too easy to look for the answer instead of assuming you already have it
So,
Instead of looking for shortcuts, I’m implementing solutions.
Instead of trying to find “78 Ways to ____”, I’m taking the first one off the list to see if it works.
Instead of reading another article on how to change my life, I’m changing my life.
Instead of looking for another magical habit, I’m getting to work.
14. The return of the Internet pop up is super annoying
How have we not moved past this as a human race?
“Oh, this article looks interst- OH WAIT HERE’S A POP UP.”
What’s bad on a desktop is even worse on mobile. Nothing like trying to nail an X which is 3 pixels wide and .5 pixels high with a fat, fleshy thumb.
15. College worked for me
Not because the machine is flawless. I am a good student. I learn from a book well, and I’m obsessed with taking notes. It’s just how I roll.
16. But college is not for everyone
I predict we’ll see a resurgence of apprenticeship in the coming years. Why go to school to learn about a series of things you will never use when you can start at 18 with a real job, get the experience in the field, and take community college to “round out” your knowledge on the side?
17. The value of money plateaus… really quickly
This is a completely first world problem, but after a certain point, money has a rate of diminishing returns. I say this not as a young, single tech guy, but as someone who makes an average income, and who realized after a certain point, buying things didn’t really make me happy any more.
Also, there is never a magical “enough” money.
18. Keeping up with news makes me sad
I am aware this probably makes me a bad citizen, but I hate watching/reading/listening to news. If something is important, I’ll hear about it.
This is likely why current events are always a surprise to me. It took a couple of weeks for me to realize Donald Trump’s running for president wasn’t a late-night joke that went too far. (…Okay, bad example)
19. I can’t judge what other people do for entertainment
The other day I saw a 30+ year old woman wearing a wild graphic tee and sweatpants with letters across the butt (“Delicious”). She was drinking a Corona-rita and laughing with her friends, no doubt about some obnoxious list of gifs.
“Wow,” I thought. “Some people just never grow up.”
I then proceeded to play three hours of Super Smash Brothers with my cousins and brother.
So yeah.
20. The best way to take away dramatic people’s power is to ignore them
I used to fight them. I used to argue with them. I used to stress about them. Now I just ignore them. Go away shiny people.
21. You shouldn’t have to rely on your parents after age 18
When you walk out that door (even if it’s just to go to university), you are 100% in charge of your own life. My college choir teacher used to say:
“The sign on the bathroom does not say ‘boys.’ It says ‘men.’ Which one are you?”
22. You are the only person responsible for your happiness
Happiness in a global sense. Not happiness in an immediate sense . Your work/life balance. Your health. Your impact on the world. Your legacy. It’s all you. Nobody else cares about it. (remember #7?)
23. Many of the things you did as a kid will make you even happier now
Last weekend when I sat down to Easter dinner with my family I almost came to tears. We talked about the same nonsense — superhero movies, school, the Jonas Brothers — but those 2 hours made me happier than I could put into words. Nostalgia is very effective in small doses.
24. I can do anything, but I can’t do everything
— I used to say yes all the time. “Yes, I’ll have it done by Friday.” “Yes, I’ll come over to hang out.” “Yes, I can help you with your work.” Now I’m saying no more. Splitting yourself 800 different ways is an excellent strategy for never doing anything with your whole heart.
25. I can eat eggs for breakfast every day
That’s one less decision to make.
26. Except on Saturday
Because pancakes are bae.
